In light of my brother’s wedding this weekend, it has me thinking through some truths about marriage I never fully knew until after I was married. I’m no expert, really – I’ve been married almost three years now. Though my husband and I have been together for 8 years overall, we learned that marriage is a whole new experience of its own compared to dating or being engaged. It’s invigorating. It’s a struggle. It’s an experience that was designed by God, which makes it even more amazing. There’s a lot to be said about marriage, but for today I’ll narrow it down to three truths.
Marriage has to be a partnership. If a marriage is going to succeed, both halves of the whole have to be committed to working together in everything they do. This is a lesson harder learned for some {myself included}. A married couple has to learn how to compromise, how to share their burdens and their victories, how to give a little when necessary, and how to take when it’s appropriate. Marriage can not be full of selfish actions. I can’t choose to stay out all night without telling my husband, “because I’m a grown woman and can do what I want,” if I want him to trust me and respect the decisions I make. That would be a selfish decision that didn’t take into consideration his plans for the evening, whether or not he wanted to spend time with me, and it certainly wouldn’t reflect that I care about his feelings. There will be times that being in a partnership means sacrificing something we don’t want to. But, it’s an investment – one that you will reap benefits from for years to come.
There will also be times that being in a partnership saves you. When something happens in your life that shakes you to the core. When the burdens of life feel too heavy to walk through alone. When you discover something great, or are bursting at the seams to tell someone else your astonishing realizations. I’m honest in knowing that without my husband, financially my life would be in shambles. There’s no way I would be a homeowner, maybe even a car owner, and I definitely wouldn’t be frivolously buying Starbucks on the way to work. Because of him, I am able to live a more comfortable life. Because of him I also have a support system any hour of the day or night. I have someone who I can cry to, who genuinely listens when I feel down on myself, and who values my concerns as much as his own. As I hit rock bottom with my anxiety and panic attacks, he was there literally to hold me up. This partnership is truly invaluable.
Marriage is worth waiting for. Being single can be difficult – I remember, believe me. I remember the feeling of desperately wanting to be loved by someone. Wishing there was someone that would hold my hand, kiss my forehead, hug me when I was down, and who lived to make me laugh. I sympathize with all the women who wish they were married and aren’t. But marriage is worth the wait. Finding the right person to commit your life to takes time, and it’s time well spent – whether that’s time waiting for him to show up, or mature, or waiting for the right time to make that marriage commitment to each other. God designed marriage to last a lifetime. He didn’t design marriage to be rushed in to and end the next year. He designed our hearts to be held by one person, our whole life, until we die.
It makes sense, then, that it would take time for us to make sure the person we are dating now is the person we are committed to loving until our teeth fall out. It is my strong belief that once we are married, there’s no turning back – so the first decision has to be the final one. This mindset has proven to be such an encouragement to me in my three years of marriage because I know that even during the roughest of times, my husband and I aren’t parting ways. At the end of the night he will curl up on the left side of the bed, and I’ll be there on his right. We will go through our fair share of “rough patches,” but I will continue to be encouraged by the fact that our commitment to each other is for life.
Along the same lines, I’m going to get real personal and say that I also believe marriage is the only place sex is appropriate, and my husband and I can attest to the benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex. We can also attest that this is not the easy choice – obviously, right, or everyone would be doing it. But I do believe that God designed sex for marriage, so out of my obedience to Him I chose to wait. As a result, I have never had to wonder who or what my husband thinks about when he is with me. There is no one else that I am comparing him to. Neither one of us entered into marriage with sexual baggage that we had to solemnly explain to each other beforehand. And believe me, just because you wait until you’re 23 to lose your virginity doesn’t mean you don’t know what to do with the opportunity.
Marriage isn’t a fairy tale. Weddings these days are so beautiful and elaborate, and expensive. Girls dream of that day their whole lives {with some exception} and imagine that everything will line up with the vision in their dreams. And some times it does! The whole event is magical, and there’s doves and glitter, and crowns are worn, and it’s like a scene from Disney World. And that’s wonderful, really. But marriage isn’t like that. Marriage is awesome. It’s fulfilling and fun and an adventure, but it’s not a fairy tale. The wedding scene ends and the lights dim, and the reality of two imperfect people trying to live their lives together sets in. You have to be honest with yourself in knowing that as a married couple you will experience heartache. Sin is alive and well within a marriage relationship, especially Christ-centered ones.
What makes marriage great is the assurance that someone will always be there for you, no matter what. That truth is what will carry you through any late night arguments, months that the money is tight and bills are high, or moments of absolute defeat. Outside of God, there is no one that knows you quite like your spouse will/does.
That’s the real life truth, y’all. It’s not always as pretty as the pictures we pay so much to have taken of our big day, but it’s wonderful nonetheless.
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