I saw you this morning – panicking because you overslept, rushing to throw your hair up and sling some clothes on. I can sense your frustration: with the alarm clock, with your ever-waking baby, with yourself for falling behind.
You rush to put your makeup on, but concealer never quite seems to hide the dark spots looming under your eyes. Or so you think.
Your baby is crying again, and you feel so guilty for being this frustrated with him – again – but why doesn’t he sleep? Who doesn’t like sleep? Just. Sleep. PLEASE.
Everything seems groggy this morning. Did you brush your teeth? You can’t remember. And now that you don’t have time to, you just grab some gum and hope no one calls you on it.
I know how you feel as you drive to the sitter’s house, or the grocery store, with baby in tow – babbling along. He’s so happy, unaware of the effects his sleeplessness is having on everyone else.
And you’re just looking at him like, don’t. Just don’t. You’re so cute, but I’m upset with you.
I know that guilt you feel later in the day about being upset with him.
How you feel like the world’s worst mom because you let him cry last night, and maybe he cried too long. And hates you. And that’s why he’s actually crying – because he hates you.
I know that you’re worried you’re not doing anything right.
That all the other moms around you have got it all together.
But let me tell you what they tell me: you’re wrong.
You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got. We’re not mind readers – we don’t know what’s going on, and why the baby isn’t sleeping.
And he doesn’t hate you. You’re his whole world. He wakes up each morning happy to see you, and ready for your biggest, best hug.
He smiles at you because you give him something to smile about!
And he doesn’t care how dark your under eyes are, because he loves you all the same.
And that’s it. The love. That’s what you’ve got to see through all the surrounding chaos.
Look at the way he watches you.
And wants to be near you.
And loves you.
I see you, momma. You’re tired, but you’re doing great.